Your Weekly Rundown: "Living Lohan"

Jesus Christ! Living Lohan is some boring shit. I almost couldn't bear to watch it.

The large majority of this week's episode consisted of Ali and Dina griping about how those wily tabloid reporters twist their words. Uh, guys, your words aren't distorted, you just say stupid shit. [Case in point]

The best part of the show was when Grandma put on the Hellraiser mask.

Later, Ali smells something funky in the house and calls the fire department. The operator asks for a last name, hears Lohan [sirens sound promptly]. The whole fire department shows up. Too bad Dina can't be bothered. She's out getting her drank on at some party for a lame magazine.

That's all folks. If this show doesn't get any better, this might be the last Living Lohan post.

Sorry I couldn't even find footage.

What'd You Think?

The Lohan's (Living Lohan) and Denise Richards's (It's Complicated) reality shows debuted tonight on E!.

And all I have to say is 'meh.'

Dina, 45, and Ali, 14, said they're taking their lives to the small screen to "defuse rumors" and prove they're "normal." But by "normal," they meant stupid and boring. (Actually I guess that's a pretty accurate description for the vast population). The first five minutes of Living Lohan consist of Dina flipping through the daily rags, in search of something to bitch about. Then Ali complains about the song selection for her upcoming album; still ends up singing something crappy.

Things over at It's Complicated weren't much better. Richards plans to throw a BBQ, but oops, there's nothing to cook on. Thank goodness for BBQ Galore and its $5,000 grills.

The best part of show is when Richards, 37, catches her pet pigs going at it.



Consequently, is that true?!?! Do boy pigs have corkscrew-shaped penises?

Oh yeah, and then there was the part where her little dog eats pig shit off the rug.




Thoughts on the shows or any of this?

The Lohans Get All Bitchy on "Showbiz Tonight"

Ali and Dina Lohan are riding a media whirlwind to promote their new E! reality show--Living Lohan. And they're not being particularly nice in the process.

They went on Showbiz Tonight last night and bristled at every question. (Snippy interviews always make me feel uncomfortable. Think Angelina Jolie. I've heard Tori Amos's no fun either.)

When reporter AJ Hammer asked how Dina was going to prevent Ali from going down the same wayward road as Lindsay (a legitimate question), she responded "Lindsay is on a fine path. But, um, you're believing what you read, which is kind of sad." When he pointed out that the older Lohan had done a stint in rehab; and had been arrested..twice. She used the trite excuse "nobody's perfect." And said "Ali will find her own path."



Poor Ali. She's a doomed, coached little imp.

Question I would have liked to ask: Hey Dina, do you have a nose to go with those nostrils?

Today Around the Blogosphere (Updated)....

For some reason blogger is not letting me edit my previous "Today Around the Blogoshpere" posting, so here's more.

Ali Lohan, 14, is the oldest looking 8th grader I've ever seen! The teen fugged-up Letterman last night to talk about her upcoming E! reality show Living Lohan.

Meh, not really worth watching. It's kinda cute when she talks about her micro-mini Maltese. And by kinda I mean not really. I still want one though.



DListed had the photo of the said Maltese.

Awwww.

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"Legendary music mogul Lou Pearlman, who created the boy bands Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync, was sentenced on Wednesday to 25 years in prison for stealing more than $300 million from investors." [People]

Call me crazy, but something tells me tubby isn't going to fare well in the slammer.

Good news though, "Federal Judge G. Kendall Sharp, of Orlando, Fla., said he would reduce the jail time by one month for every $1 million Pearlman, 53, returned to the investors."

You might want to consider forking over the dough...assuming you have any left, Old Man Moneybags. You've got "jail bait" (something you're familiar with) written all over you.

Image via Kuam News.

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In the new issue of US Weekly, singer Christina Aguilera, 27, divulges that since giving birth, her bra-size has ballooned to an E-cup. Dayum! [US].

"It's kind of hilarious," she says of her overinflated fun bags. "Funny, in a circus-freak kind of way," she meant to add.

Allah bless implants.
Silicon tainted milk does a baby good?

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"Rocker Steven Tyler, 60, has checked into Las Encinas Hospital drug rehabilitation clinic, according to Usmagazine.com. The center is where Dr. Drew Pinsky treated patients for VH1’s Celebrity Rehab." His rep had no comment. [US]

At 60 you'd think he'd be like "Aww fuck it. Give me the drugs. I'm old. I quit quitting."

But good for him. I guess? I don't know. A party's not a party until the uppers, downers and hallucinogenic drugs have arrived. It's the only real way to have a good time.

Image via US.

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Katie Holmes, 29, is bound for a Broadway debut. The actress will costar with John Lithgow, 62, Dianne Wiest, 60, and Patrick Wilson, 34, in the revival of Arthur Miller's All My Sons. She will play Wilson's fiancée in the WWII-era drama about a businessman (Lithgow) whose factory sold faulty parts to the U.S. Military during World War II, resulting in the deaths of 21 pilots. [US]

Apparently this is a good thing because Suri, Holmes's 2-year-old daughter with Tom Cruise, loves Broadway. Riiight.

Did Ali Lohan Get Lip Injections?

The doc over at AwfulPlasticSurgery.com wants you to know he thinks Ali Lohan, 14, has had her lips artificially plumped.

However, he doesn't say what exactly he thinks she's had done. Restylane? Collegen? Oh keeper of esoteric plastic surgery knowledge, what's going on inside of her pout?

What he does say: "[Lohan] is being groomed to be a prostitute " (nice and genial) and it's "just plain wrong."

Thanks for your expert opinion doctor.

Image via AwfulPlasticSurgery.com.

P.S. Just to inject a little balance into this posting, the difference could be attributed to DuWop's Lip Venom or some other topical lip plumper.

That said, Dr. Awful Plastic Surgery could be right.